This is for you

BEFORE NOW

2011-12-04T15:29:00.000-06:00

Wish I knew you when you could stay and not have to rush your goodbye

When a simple smile, word or kiss made you high

Wish I knew you when you believed in waiting around

When you had patience by the pound

Before now when you weren’t confined by place and time

When I could be yours and you could be mine

Before now…I wish we could have met

When it was not so complicated

Wish I knew you when you took nothing for granted

When you cherished every moment spent

Wish I knew you when love was still good

When you cared to understand and be understood

Before now when you knew love without pain

When you brought sunshine without rain

Before now when you loved without caution

Sharing and caring in great proportion

Before now when you really believed in it

When you were willing to do anything for it

Wish I knew you when you knew how

Wish I knew you …Before now

Update on Girl Six

2011-11-28T19:04:00.003-06:00

I am a Gem---- ini

Today I am 3+3 years old= 6

I was born on 6-6 to the 6th child of 2 Gem-inis.... I am one of 2 children... Its no coincidence that I seek balance in everything I do.

About the #6:

Connects above and below, reconciliation, intellectual creativity, discrimination, imagination, union, love, perfection, ability to use the imagination and the intellect combined, relatedness, taking responsibility for choices. The number 6 is the 'Mother' number and is essentially a working, building number. It symbolizes responsibility and service, which needs to be achieved through love, nurturing and protection. There is an innate desire within the 6 to bring harmony, peace, justice and truth to all experiences in life. There is a perfected sense of balance with the 6 vibration. 6 thrives on beauty and needs to be comfortable in all areas of their lives – emotionally, spiritually and physically. People are drawn to the loving, magnetic energy of the 6 vibration.

I am a culmination of all the DNA my parents gave me, the experiences God put me in and the people that I surround myself. I am so different than the person I used to be and yet I feel like the core of me has not changed. I love hard still, I still want to protect those I love and protect myself. I still can't move away from my family and base my life around my nephews. I still love those that have hurt me the most. I still love to create, socialize, dance and desire me time. I now doubt love for me but I still want it so bad. I still have faith in Christ-- and even more now. I am still me- but a new me...

New Beginnings

I recently quit my job to pursue my passion- educational consulting. The idea of making such a huge change stemmed from losing so many loved ones and now dealing with my father's illness. I suppose the overall feeling is this--- I refuse to live another day not doing what I am called to do and especially not another day my father walks this Earth. I am a Daddy's girl- making him proud is in me to do. Being able to support my loved ones is in me to do. I literally hated going to work. Lots of sleepless night and waking up crying all because I knew I was meant to do something else. But what is so good about God is, He plants a seed and gives you what you need. So for the past few years I have had friends that - whether they know it or not- have stepped out on faith. I am a witness to so many testimonies. So with my new found chutzpah (Yiddish for balls) I have quit my job and reached out to friends that are doing what I want to do. I hope to first be ready for my purpose so I intend to gain knowledge- call this my own personal internship. Second, I plan to earn enough money and have a career that will allow me to be there for my daddy and family. So far my journey has taken me to Los Angeles--- if nothing else my trip confirmed I can really really do this and LOVE it!

Love

In my life I have loved only one that made me feel so special and protected-- I am a survivor of sexual abuse so I needed and still do yearn for a protector. His love was simple it seemed just so simple to do - I loved his family, I loved his hustle, I loved his struggle, I loved his bow-legs, I loved the way he would tell me "its a small thing" and I felt like whatever I was worried about was not big at all- I loved his hands, lips and eyes. I loved him til it hurt. But being with him, wanting all of him when he could not give, was one of the most hurtful things I have felt. I spent nearly 3 years hoping for him to be what I knew he could be. Today he is exactly what I wanted him to be.

I saw him last week, the minute I saw him I looked down at his legs- they are still bowed; I looked in his eyes they are still exciting and wild; I looked at his lips- he still needs carmex on the bottom right side and I still wanted to kiss them; and then I looked long and hard at his hands- they still look like they could whoop anyone's ass and love on you in the next minute... but now he has a ring on the left finger. The next time I saw him that week I kept looking but trying not to look at it, the ring. We started talking and everything and I mean everything that I ever felt for him resurfaced and I could not do anything about it except feel like - it should have been me.

I am not sure why but an overwhelming sadness came over me- so I cried- cried hard, cried all night- I cried the next morning. Put on Simply Red and cried some more. I realized that I had made myself forget us because it hurt so much, I have done that in my life time- forgetting has helped me survive sometimes. So while I am figuring out my feelings I realize that as much as I was hurt and wanted him to be something he was not ready for - I was not ready to be what he needed... So instead of trying to have another "last night" with him (our last time ended bad) Or try to express how I feel I have decided to pray to have the good stuff from that relationship again- that is what I have decided to do.... Thats all I got for now.

Family

Aint shit change here lol-- I still love my nephews to death!! The love I have for them is the strongest I have ever felt and I wonder now if I can love my children the way I love them.

ang......

2011-10-13T18:27:00.003-05:00

and now hunger pains is for the same thang

reach back around -for the same thang

doing things different now expecting some change

want a new car, better $, - lefthand rang

love me so good you'd think my name would change

until now- happy with the same

same walk same talk same errythang -

nope not now- so much more to this thang

I'm done drop the mic

nothing left to explain

been thinking about forever

2011-10-04T23:00:00.002-05:00

and so I put it on the line

and hope things will be fine

or even get better

got to admit

you got me thinking about forever.....

CRAZY!

2011-08-09T11:30:00.002-05:00

I will say this and vent then let this go-----

I have a tendency to forget prayer changes things so I pop off, drop off and get into things...

It wasn't too long ago my money was funny (still is), death was around me and that man dumped me...

So in an attempt to release or be free from what was ailing me- I became wreckless and now here is that test again...

So I recognize that in times like these

I won't fight, drink so much and

I will spend more time on my knees

just a letter...

2011-07-24T08:48:00.004-05:00

Dear Cancer,

I have a healer whose hands never tire

A doctor who makes miracles happen daily

I know a physician that gives life

So I am not scared, afraid, or worried

anymore...

Signed,

a believer....

Prose #1

2011-06-15T11:01:00.007-05:00

"‎#1 iron sharpens iron #2 if you're the smartest in your group get out of that group #3 don't be discouraged #4 people are exactly who they show you they are --- BB-isms :) I love my personal Oprah"--- my latest FB post... It stems from a talk I had with my mentor.

Vision: What I am learning lately is everyone isn't made for your vision. Sure they delight in it, want to be a part of it- but they aren't made for it. So you have to leave them where they are and keep it moving.

Reciprocal actions are important to social psychology as they can help explain the maintenance of social norms. The breaking of these social norms may require a punishing action which may range from negative words to complete social ostracism.

Reciprocity: I am learning that it is ok to expect people to 'return the favor'. In business its demanded as there is always some form of exchange determined by those involved. My greatest hurts come from peoples lack of reciprocity. You can't ask for help- receive it -- AND NOT SHOW APPRECIATION. You can't say I love you, need you, and receive love and NOT SHOW LOVE. You can't expect my time, honesty, attention AND TURN YOURS OFF when it is convenient. You can't hold on to someone else's past and expect them to look past YOURS! Reciprocity is the gave and take of it all.

Friendships: They take a lot of trust, giving, and time. If you are not willing to invest in those attributes then you won't be my friend.

If she would listen: I would tell her that despite f-ing up twice before I still bragged about her, referred her and tried to build her up. She did not do that for me. I was the voice of reason when I encouraged her to go home to her family when she wanted to follow her ex fantasy of love, or when her child screwed up again, or when she needed balance. She couldn't balance our friendship in business. She should not pretend to not have had such a a past that would put most Jezebels to shame. Fine wines, fine clothes and a nice home can't erase the stench of one's past. Instead be humble accept all that have gone thru and grow from it... NOT HIDE IT!

Down Goes Frazier... (Cancer vs Omelia)

2011-05-07T21:39:00.006-05:00

I knew today would be hard
the chemo is killing cancer- but melting your brain
the steroids have triggered the worst in you
and the great mind I once knew
is only there in moments- glimpses
So I have been fasting, praying and hoping
those things keep me strong
I knew you would sign your love to me, smile and cuss
the minute I saw you
I was really hoping for a "hey my babygirl"
I did not get that...
I got moments of my SHEro
only moments
and every other thing being said
was something unseen, unheard of
but I talked to you like I WANTED TO!!!
because I can't live with just glimpses of how you were
and just when I was about to give up on my auntie/twin
being the way you have always been...
you called my name, told me to not leave so soon
and made me promise to not stay gone so long

2011-04-28T01:58:00.004-05:00

"Most men don't like crazy, opinionated, occasionally bitchy, tell it how it is--- kind of chicks. Thankfully I am not looking for most men."

- Me

not big enough

2011-04-27T23:57:00.002-05:00

someone dreamed of
kingdoms
castles
thrones
and alike
Maybe we don't dream big enough

someone dreamed of
roads
horses
carriages
ships
and alike
Maybe we don't dream big enough

someone dreamed of
trains
planes
automobiles
spaceships
and alike
Maybe we don't dream big enough

someone dreamed of
loaded guns
loaded minds
freedom
protests
and alike

someone dreamed of
love stories
musical classic
drums
1's and 2's
Maybe we don't dream big enough
Maybe I need to think about more than changing a few so that
mountains will move
seas will part
and I can motivate a child
to dream of walking on water

Dear God

2011-03-22T23:14:00.004-05:00

If
this
is
that same test
I
will
continue
to
FAIL

not on purpose- not for a lack of understanding my purpose- its just as I live I will never understand DEATH and Your cliff notes, pop quizzes and retakes aren't helping.

Where do I start

2011-03-22T21:23:00.003-05:00

Well I am pretty sure this summer was harder on him than me. Broke him a bit...
The truth and untold - told secrets can do that to even the strongest of men.
But eventually he came to or we came to a resolve or some peace about the matter.
And just when I thought things got good- and even got better.
I got a call, it was from my mom saying he was sick and to come over a bit.
Then IT did not go away, the pain did but the odds are
IT won't go away, maybe nothings, turn into somethings and then we hear
cancer-
and I am not saying it is-
but the odds are it is and will consume him.

I can't count on my hands how many I have lost in these past few years- there's too many- all to cancer
so its sad, and it chips at your faith to know that my prayers are heard but not answered...

So while everyone tells me to pray - I may need to say, I will but I am pretty sure He isn't taking all of my calls...

Whatever Me

2010-12-10T19:38:00.004-06:00

Something about this skin I'm in
that I am beginning to hate
Even back then, it was subject to the worst fate
It still screams touch me, abuse me, do what you choose to ME?
and the minute my flesh cannot take the rest
It all goes up in flames
And I am left yearning for some lame ass 'no name'
No names, no time, no care---
now they all NOWHERE
look around can't be found...
unless they desire this skin I'm in
ready to expose it again to the most hurtful sin
damn...Something about this skin I'm in
It got me in trouble
and my mouth, shit it aint nothin subtle
loud as I want to be - now
Something about this skin I'm in draws it out
Because after a while of being trapped, held back, and shut in by THIS broken skin
I broke out- now I can't help but shout
and as for this heart... well my heart still ain't no better,
wear that bitch on my sleeve like a sweater
My heart- beckons for a new start
One in which trust is undeniable, love is considerable and the truth becomes unchangeable

JESSIE J 'MAMMA KNOWS BEST'

2010-11-14T22:09:00.000-06:00

SAY WORD!!! word

Lady Red

2010-11-08T19:40:00.002-06:00

bad bitch, ready for revenge
can roll with the worst of them
and indeed she keeps a smile
but at any moment & all the while
she is waiting to break out
take matters into her own hands
fuck bowing down, white, black or brown
ya'll can all get it
pretend like you aren't a snake in the grass
and Lady Red will call you out
and promptly correct that ass
she has learned to choose wisely
not everyone is worthy
she fears no man nor mind
cheats and liars she don't take too kind
and fortunately ---for those types
she is barred in by another that knows wrong from right
sometimes, like today, it is hard to keep her in
she thinks she is the avenger of all sin.. all sin... all sin
even her own

no title

2010-10-27T21:30:00.002-05:00

babies
miscarriage
jail
hell
death
life
pain
sorrow
today
tomorrow
faith
disbelief
grief
got it, I have that down pact!!! and this year alls I wanted was 2 more times with his smile- didn't I deserve that?
RIP Larry I love you and miss you!
1951-2010, 26, October

Take Flight

2010-10-23T23:39:00.004-05:00

If I would've given you wings you would have found a way to clip them
Even if you had a car you would not have made it this far
I introduced you to heaven and you will still prefer hell
And I suppose doing the same thing is predictable and easy even
But learning to be you- is scary and new
So you have decided to not take flight- inspite
The Passport you were given, well you let it expire
and now you are without what you need
instead dealing with a momentary desire
so you chose an exit without first class
hopping on the the first piece of ass
I guess that is fine for now- but as good as it sounds
when you convince yourself
you are risking your GROWTH and this you probably know
I honestly wish you well and I pray, that one day
all of what I hoped we would be will happen
for you and someone and someone and me
peace my love, may you find you-
as for me, I'm in the wind
Love Taking Flight- again

2010-10-12T23:15:00.002-05:00

Tonight I sat in awe watching Ice Cube and Rev Run's crew put in work. I couldn't help but think about what legacy I will leave with my child. If I follow the blueprint my ancestors gave me, it will be one filled with knowledge of self, pride, love and philanthropy. These things are what I am made of. My legacy is in my DNA. So here's to the future within me.

This Sign Says DO NOT ENTER

2010-10-03T08:05:00.002-05:00

someone please tell him that being in my heart is 1 thing

but entering my dreams is just intrusive

"I do my dirt all by my lonely"

2010-09-23T00:17:00.003-05:00

I was hoping to have you around for all of this because I get tired of doing this alone.
I hate I am weak in this manner - but I want and I feel that I maybe even need you.
The mention of my dreams spark something in you that I don't understand.
You don't have to have them, and you don't have to believe in mine- but when my *work is done* and my dreams come true I will love you.
I will let you ride my coat tail anyway and benefit from all that comes...
I know God wants it this way otherwise He would have me do it another way, and that is fine.
But I still get so tired of planning, doing, writing, typing, creating and producing on my own.
I trusted my dream with you and you still aren't here.
And maybe you will come around and all of this yearning for you will make me appreciate your occupancy in this empty space so much more.
So I will look at this time as Him preparing me for you.
Until then, I will do this ... alone.
Amen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmMWQqUJb4s&feature=related

Partnership

2010-09-12T00:34:00.000-05:00

Bill and Camille, Obama and Michelle, Will and Jada, Abigail and David... Bob and Ellen, Evangeline and Moses, Beattie and Carl, Charity and Reggie, Neferti and Imhotep, John and Yoko, Paul and Linda... love is coupled with a give and take. And it is made up of making up, growing up and not giving up. A daily decision to work at working at, a partnership not just a relationship. And eventually, one day, I will have that ... And I won't settle for less.

Be Still (laissez faire)

2010-09-08T22:07:00.004-05:00

I am learning that I say too much- so I will be still and listen
I tend to want to fix it- so I will be still and let things work themselves out
I tend to want to prove my love- I will be still and let love show itself I am often short tempered- I will be still and let peace win
I worry about where I am not in life- I will be still and be thankful for where I am

FEAR

2010-09-01T23:07:00.001-05:00

when God gives you that way out... TAKE IT... If you're wrong - you will be back...

REAL LOVE

2010-08-27T00:26:00.002-05:00

real love feels like...
prayer
forgiveness
longevity
smiles
balance
steadfastness
security
openness
protection
consistency
consideration
ups
downs
bridges
valleys
and.... Heaven

talking shit....

2010-08-20T11:49:00.000-05:00

I am as good as it gets
I hate to brag but I am the shit
flowers bloom but nothings like my blossom
I gotta nice rack & an even better bottom
I can go anywhere & make a friend
love to love, smile & dance to no end
I love cooking but don't mind an evening of dining
love to make you smile & it is not for a lack of trying
I like everything but hate a few
I am enthralled with all you do
I hang on every word you speak
but I am so damn interesting I also talk about me
a drum's rythm can't match the beat of my heart
in our resting place I make sure you finish what we start
I enjoy the roll of your eyes & curve of your lips- when you're satisfied I'm delighted & determined to make you happy & that's no lie
but ... & I hate to bring this up
but...if u keep doing what you do you will be like the rest
wishing it wasn't too late ... because I loved you best

Distance

2010-08-19T21:23:00.003-05:00

It maybe best to have time apart
Giving each other space to search our hearts
I don't want to be crowded nor suffocating
Love should not be rushed, it is something in the making
and thus, our's may not be ready yet and it needs some time
Time to age, purify, like a fine wine
I hope nothing changes, but I need to know now
If this space can make your love stop somehow
My hope is this distance will make you miss me and I you,
and the moment we see each other- I mean really see each other
we will know that our love is true..

Explosive

2010-08-09T22:52:00.005-05:00

I hate this part
When you have to bury your heart
When it is bursting with so much
So much love, you can't help but
give it away
So much care that you wish to take
his pain away
But you can't because of the timing
Or lack of understanding
And all the while you just want to say it just say it
But even when it - gets to the tip-
Your tongue stops it
Because your heart, as sure as it is
Is as unsure as it has ever been
But you know that eventually
You will implode or explode
Leaving your feelings exposed
To be judged, analyzed and otherwise
Criticized, taken in or kicked aside
Yep I hate this part
When what is in heart,
is so
Explosive

Regular Guy

2010-08-09T22:19:00.004-05:00

I will probably end up with a guy with a regular job
Regular Dreams
Regular clothes
With a name like Mike, Brian, Dave
Very orthodox thinking
Regular music liker
Kinda into sports
Sometimes drinks
Says regular uninspiring boring things
Regular reader
Regular haircut
Average height
Comes from a regular family and regular town
Regularly punctual
Smells like regular dial soap
BUT!!! He will love all of my crazy so EXTRA ESPECIALLY!!! and maybe, when I am ready, his regular will be to me something so amazing!

Singlehood-ness, Marriage, Kids and Death- the Maturation of Me

2010-07-28T16:02:00.005-05:00

After my last break-up I said I would be single until I was married. Lately, I have had these conflicting, permeating thoughts about my future as far as marriage and family are concerned. The straw that broke the camel's back was my recent visit to the hospital. Long story short, I do not want to die alone, I want a husband, and I want kids. If this is what I want, I am going to have to start acting accordingly... There I said it...yuck...ok read the poem.

Singlehood-ness?????
dating
sexing
movies
fucking
getting know
hope to grow
lots of mistakes
like, love, hate
separate

Marriage
dating
sexing
great fucking
movies
still grow
want to know
eat, sleep, shit
and wake in the same place
forgiven mistakes
like, love, hate
never separate

Kids
sex= babies
hopefully no maybies
make them
raise them
let them go
grow
know
to learn what to
like, love and hate
independence= separate

Death
Heaven----- can't wait!

READY TO TALK

2010-07-27T01:17:00.008-05:00

The Father
My Dad now knows what happened to me, he may even know who did it. And it kills me that he will not talk to me. My dad is a LOCKBOX of feelings and emotions... He has seen hell on Earth since he was little but he never talks about it. He worked so hard so that we would not grow up as he did. So maybe he feels guilty for not being able to protect us. That despite all of his money, hard work, and simply being around- he could not protect his kids. Or maybe he just doesn't have the words yet and feels uncomfortable talking about it- my dad is a prude.. I don't know if he is confused, hurt, mad, ashamed---HELL I don't know why- but it is killing me that he hasn't reached out to me! Sunday I was missing him. I miss hugging him- he hates touching- but I clobber him when I can. I miss kissing his bald spot- I tell him my sugar makes his hair grow back. Most of all, I miss his laugh and smile. I had a dream about losing him, so I went by my parents. I walked in with 2 peach pies (he loves my peach pies) and he left... I stayed and waited for him to come back, he came back and said 5 words for me- they weren't positive- so then I left. What is good about all of this is that I am finally ready to talk. I am going to pray for his heart to soften, his lockbox to unlock and his mouth to open. I also won't give up, I just need some time to myself to re-up and do it all over again.

TODAY

2010-07-24T19:51:00.005-05:00

Today I learned that stretching and being stretched are all a part of growth. ComPLACEncy has NO place in growth. You have to be correctable and accountable for all you do. I know my faults. I know I am too much at times.. Too sensitive, too mouthy, too jokey---- some of that I would LOVE to change, well tweek a bit. But I know all of that because someone or rather some people told me that those things hinder my growth and I finally took it in.

My prayer, is to eventually be surrounded by those that LOVE ME enough to stretch me and that I will OPENLY do the same for them without apprehension.

I also learned the value of showing- not just saying- that someone is appreciated. I thank God for a grateful and compassionate spirit. He put my friend Amanda here to model those emotions, she is great at it.

Last, I learned that you can't do anything but say how you feel and have no REGRETS (see the poem). I love the freedom I have now to say things more so than type or write things. It is a work in progress. Overall I have seen myself welcome verbal, face to face dialogue and that is a blessing in itself!

A recapitulation if you will and simply put: stretch, love, learn and... FREEDOM!!!

Learning

2010-07-19T02:11:00.002-05:00

I am learning so much about myself! At times, I feel sad, lonely and sometimes I feel an extreme imbalance but I am learning nontheless.

More to come!

Eric Roberson - I Have A Song

2010-07-18T08:42:00.000-05:00

I Have A Song

How does is feel to finally be free
I wonder will I ever know
Sometimes I dream of how that can be
To have a life that I own

Chorus:
When you look at me
what do you see
do you understand my story
all I want is love
For someone else to see
If you took the time I have a song

For so, so long I've been searching
For something that were probably not meant to find
But no matter how hard it gets no matter if the tears fall
Nothing should stop us from trying ohhh?

Chorus:
When you look at me
what do you see
do you understand my story
all I want is love
For someone else to see
If you took the time I have a song

no regrets

2010-07-14T19:20:00.003-05:00

if I could do it all over again
I would do it, but different
I promise I would have held on longer
not fought with you well over
the stupid things
gave into you and not my fears
trusted the present and ignored the past
now you are so far away
across the seas, two continents to be exact
and all I can think about is what I did wrong
and the thoughts of how nothing compares
to your mind, your style, your spirit and your truth
I wonder if anyone will ever take your place in my heart
we are too different now and so much has happened
but that doesn’t stop me from thinking back
and sometimes wanting to take back
what I did, said or didn’t do
not so much to be with you- but simply
to say I gave you my all
with no regrets

Could You Be Loved? Would be loved!

2010-07-12T01:03:00.005-05:00

- My brother *Reggie (I have a real brother but Reggie is who I consider my real brother) is a great guy. He is a great husband and great dad. He has treated me and protected me like a big brother should since I was a freshman in high school. So we are pretty close. Today, he and FOUR other young, black, smart and married men became deacons. I was there for his ordination!

-I had a talk with my sissy (Reggie's wife) and she gave me clarity. She is a survivor and she gives me hope. It is not so much what she says, although her words are helpful, it is how she chooses to live her life that makes me see what love looks like. Love for her husband, friends, family and Christ. I like to think God put her in my life so I know how to smile through it all.

- I hate being analyzed and judged, which is what dates are starting to feel like. I guess my issue is this, I think some men do not know that they have some deal breaking issues. Reggie does not do that with Charity. He knows her past, understands her shortcomings but knows how hard she loves him and he knows no one could love him as much nor help him to be a better man like she can. I think relationships would be better if men understood themselves and took time to really know a woman. That leads me to this question: If I looked at you through your eyes, analyzing all of your flaws, as you do mine, would you be loved???

TAMIA / poetry

2010-07-09T15:27:00.000-05:00

undecided

2010-07-08T23:18:00.007-05:00

think long you think wrong
find myself singing the same song
wondering if anyone has listened
no I don't want your time
don't want your heart or mind- I want it all
undivided
hope you aren't undecided
seeing what I see makes me feel secure
knowing I could give you more
now you don't know what to do???????????
well tell me this
how does it feel when we kiss
how does it feel when I hold you tight
look in your eyes, and say it'll be alright
I follow your dreams and believe in things unseen
I know what faith is and step out
so what is this uncertainty all about
I don't know how to trust anymore
been hurt from so much before
so if I have ever come off as if I'm closed off..
try harder, relieve me of my guarder
then know that the minute you show
all of what this could be

I will be
in love with you

Ingredients of Me

2010-07-08T11:30:00.007-05:00

Must be meekly made

to be prepared with LOTS of sun not shade

a teaspoon of revolution

add molasses for a sweet solution

tablespoon of vanilla

a loud mouth to keep it real with ya

3/4's cup of intellect and wit

(well just enough to talk a lot of shit)

throw in an eclectic mind

and sense of humor for all time

toss in a God given purpose

some strength made for service

add ability to endure

then sprinkle in a heart that is pure

a side of dreams fantastic

pants that fit a fat ass, elastic

mix it all to an Ivory Coast -Creek beat

last but not least

add two cups of an Irish jig

now take a swig.....

Perspective

2010-07-08T11:24:00.003-05:00

Remember
its good until its bad
its great until its horrible
its on time until its late
its pretty until beauty fades
its love until the newness goes away...
here's to adapting to change

Possibly, Possibilty

2010-07-08T11:24:00.002-05:00

It is the possibility of it all
that soon one day you will fall
A possibility that space & time can't define
Something God given & longed for for so long
A possibilty of a connection so strong
The possibilty of two hearts meeting just in time
and possibly those hearts being your's & mine

Better

2010-07-08T10:53:00.004-05:00

good better best... thinking of a point of rest
ease from hurt and past suffocating lies
relief from so much that I despise
I hope this is better
good better bad best... might be fine for the rest
I'd rather a sustainable happy
an improving life for me
I hope this is better
good better best...wanting to outlast the rest
great love and laughter to last forever
looking forward to ties unsevered
cheers to hope of something better....

Butterfly Effect

2010-06-06T17:02:00.002-05:00

I watched the movie The Butterfly Effect again and thought -- why am I drawn to this story? I looked up the theory of the Butterfly Effect and had quite the ah-ha moment. The Butterfly Effect, as it relates to human behavior, is simply the idea that small occurrences in one's life can render the most powerful changes. I think I have spent a lot of my life asking myself "what if", which is normal for children (survivors if you will) of abuse. The question gets replayed over and over again. What if it hadn't happened to me, would I be "normal"? I still do not know the answer to that question nor do I know what 'normal' really is, but I am assuming it ain't me :) I hope not!!! Well, until I can get my own words together to express my thoughts here is what wiki says:

Although a butterfly flapping its wings has remained constant in the expression of this concept, the location of the butterfly, the consequences, and the location of the consequences have varied widely.The phrase refers to the idea that a butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that may ultimately alter the path of a tornado or delay, accelerate or even prevent the occurrence of a tornado in a certain location. The flapping wing represents a small change in the initial condition of the system, which causes a chain of events leading to large-scale alterations of events. Had the butterfly not flapped its wings, the trajectory of the system might have been vastly different. While the butterfly does not cause the tornado, the flap of its wings is an essential part of the initial conditions resulting in a tornado.

Chapter four of F. Scott Fitzgerald's story "Winter Dreams" contains the following sentence:
"The house was sturdy to accentuate Judy's slightness - as if to show what a breeze could be generated by a butterfly's wing."

'mmmm I WANT THAT OLD THING BACK' ...holla at'em Jay!!!

2010-06-06T12:11:00.001-05:00

I can't say I am enjoying the present
Missing what was so much like heaven
Yesterday's sunrise was a brighter bright
Last night's moon was a more luminous white
The birds' melodies at noon
seemed to sing a flower to bloom
The horizon came with the beautiful colors of love
Every constellation shown bright from the night above
But this day isn't the same
Because every moment of joy - to this point- has been taken away
It isn't because I changed as I have remained the same
Today is dim & it is without that 'it' -that I can't forget

-because of the love you lack
Now I'm left thinking, saying, singing 'I WANT THAT OLD THING BACK'

on the wings of a.... dare

2010-06-06T11:08:00.000-05:00

keep making me forget about the hardships of my day
by simply stopping by just to say hey
say one more beguiling syllable
or express an idea, unforgettable
write another word that shows me your heart
tell me again you are determined to finish what you start
and when you're here or when I'm near
keep being so fresh & yet pristine
with the same looks that made Mahogany love Billy Dee
keep giving me those hungry eyes
keep touching my wanting thighs
let no moment pass without smiling at me
make me stay with a touch & with a nibble on my neck never let me leave
and if I get another sweet supple kiss
promise to not hold me liable for this

I dare you to
then be prepared for what I will do
I can't promise to play it safe again
undeniably batteling with the danger of sin
knowing that I want to let it win
I dare you to
leave me no choice
but to let the tips of my fingers caress you & become my silent voice
shouting- saying that I can't say no
I'm ready on the word go
I dare you to keep me like no other before
enthusiastic about me & wanting much more
keep me mesmerized with you
all the while confident & excited about what your love will do
I dare you...

Evangeline

2010-04-07T20:55:00.001-05:00

What Do You Do?
What Do You Do?
When God calls her home?
The woman that made you as good as you are, goes on…
What Do You Do?
When her work on earth is all said and done?
And she no longer gives those sweet words of wisdom . . .
What Do You Do?
When she has faithfully said her last prayer for you?
When you've been blessed to have someone speaking and praying to
Him on your behalf for you
What Do You Do?
When the memory of her smile fades?
When you must keep a picture of her entrapped by a frame…
What do you do when she goes home?
The one that, surely, unconditionally, certainly and definitely
loved you for so long goes on…
A friend indeed to some, an aunt to others and
a mother to All!
What Do You Do when she answers the Almighty's Call?

You thank God for every second, minute, and hour
that He blessed us all…
with a piece of heaven on Earth!!

at this moment

2010-04-07T20:48:00.000-05:00

In this moment I love you
In this moment everything in me says its ok now
In this moment the truth is clear
And in this moment all of me is for you
It is in this moment that I am aware
Everything up until this moment was worth it
Every tear cried and pain felt and every smile smiled
Was preparation for
This moment.......

Berlin

2009-12-22T08:20:00.005-06:00

with every breath you breath you take me in;

you take me and you release me just as soon as you can

leaving me just as empty as when I began

its no wonder that with every release

a brick is placed to form a wall of me

and sure those moments when i see you really see u are precious no doubt

but its your wall that keeps me out

Go

2009-12-22T08:06:00.002-06:00

Everything in me says go...

But my mind

Is scared to face the hurt

Its sure to find

2009-09-17T08:00:00.006-05:00

Light and Love R.I.P. Big Mama

It is raining outside
Because there isn't one eye dry
Yet I still know
There is no light brighter
No love stronger
Than yours
Open for the world to see
And it is true
That this light and love are of you
And despite the call home
We are not alone
Because inch by inch
Stitch by stitch
You sowed a piece of you
Into to our hearts

The Lessons that Life Teaches

2009-08-23T17:13:00.003-05:00

1. You did not make me so you cannot break me!

2. Your stripes and spots don't fit me... I prefer being a hippo!

3. Once a man and twice a child...

4. My spaceship don't come equipped with rear view mirrors!

5. You don't have to like it.... But I LOVE IT!!!

6. Just like lies, the truth has consequences.

7. You can't do things in life expecting a reward.

8. We all go through low rough patches, just some more than others...

9. The ability to learn from your mistake is God's grace at work!

10. Intuition is life's cliff notes!

G.O.O.D.B.Y.E. and God Bless

2009-07-07T22:44:00.009-05:00

My cousin Erika Angel will be gone for at minimum a year on her most difficult and longest mission. I hate saying goodbye. She is my spiritual rock pushing me to become closer to Him and supporting my love for Christ when it seemed no one cared to and I miss her already so much....

G.O.O.D.B.Y.E.

God only grants us a moment in time

Only we are given a special gift made just for us

One or many may not understand His plan for you but in the end it is for you!!!

Done with the days of trying to explain why you are going to follow Him without apprehension

Because you haven't the time to be concerned with the world instead

You delight in saying "Yes Lord Yes to Your Will and To Your Way"

Everyday I will know that my letting you go is best....

The Gemini In Me

2009-05-29T19:42:00.007-05:00

The Gemini in me is constantly fighting a battle between forgiveness and giving you the middle finger. Too often I find myself second guessing my better half, when it knows best. It has seen the kinder, sweeter and forgivably forgettable part of me let so much go and now it is growing a mind of its own. So no longer will I take kind to your dismissive, selfish and careless ways. No longer are the days in which I say it is ok. Because it is not. The Gemini in me will forever be understanding but you should understand this, that other side no longer gives a fuck about your mere existence. It lingers and waits for the opportunity to tell you exactly what you should do, where you can go to do it and just how many seconds you have to act accordingly before it turns green and becomes that bitch with whom you can't match fists or wits. The Gemini in me is a built in alarm system that has been Divinely appointed to me so that in times of hurt and dejection I can protect whatever is left. It takes pride in being stealth like yet reserving the right to be seen and heard when someone forgets or simply doesn't know that there is a ready beast within.

Cool

2009-04-27T14:14:00.008-05:00

At one point I did not care, but I have thought twice
And a few months before… a few months ago
All of this, between you and me, would have been nice
I am not sure what else to do...
I try to keep my distance
but despite every attempt -- I still want you
I am not quite sure how I got myself into this place
Our chemistry is explosive, but in the worst way
It is beginning to be like clock work
You call a little after 5
and soon, I am holding on to your every word
Hell I even enjoy the silent moments ....
It is true, you are a mix between
sweet and sour- just like I like it
Day by day, it becomes harder to play it cool...
nonchalant and what not
to act as if I do not want what you've got
No matter what angle I look at it, my feelings do not change
and thus, my confusion stays the same
I am not sure if I should go or give in and come
If I am just caught up in the matrix or could you be the one...
Or maybe... We are not good for each other.
I fear to find out, one way or another
Because I would hate to play the role, again, of love's fool
I suppose the best thing- is to just play it cool...

The world of a nursery...

2009-04-17T12:28:00.007-05:00

Yesterday my latest addition of a nephew was brought into the world. Kai Street. Among the many emotions, I felt like I want a baby!!! I have not had a yearning for a child like this ever. My hope is that this does not grow and manifest itself in a negative way. I also was a bit ‘green’. Too often I see people like my brother or my students and sometimes my friends that are blessed with a child, yet they are not the most deserving of such a precious gift. I know that sounds presumptuous and what not but that is how I feel. Some people REALLY SHOULD NOT HAVE KIDS. Conversely, I wish certain people would procreate a hell of a lot more.

Now the most prevalent emotion I felt was a sense of humanity throughout the nursery! Their were five families looking into te nursery and trying to figure out which was their baby!!! There was an Eastern European (I say that because of the language they spoke), a white family (I say that because they spoke American lol), Asian family and us (my nephew’s mother is Greek)… No one could tell the babies apart. It was amazing to see that at least for the first few days on Earth, God has granted babies immunity from being defined by their race. Skin color, hair texture and all other physical traits that society uses to figure out what you are before figuring out who you are, don’t exist in the nursery!!!

Slow Down

2009-03-09T14:09:00.002-05:00

I wish I had a moment to just breathe
Without all of the thoughts that make moves in my head...
Some time to not think about the next moment, hour or day..
I do not know how much time to pray for, so I ask for enough..
Enough time to focus, regroup and do this sh*t all over again..
I hope for just a few moments away from my needy family or friends calling to vent or to bring me into the drama that exist -but really wouldn't if they would just breathe-sit back and not do a d*mn thing about what we all inevitably do not control
I wish for long spans of time that will reverse all of the anxiety I feel when my alarm goes off at 5:30am, then again at 5:45am and eventually I am up at 6am.... heading to work …..Where everyday I look in the halls of my school and see-- students rushing, buzzing and moving to get to the same spot where they meet their next friend or boyfriend, and eventually they will get their next text, or next make out session in the corner of the next hall they enter.. then the warning bell will sound and it is off to their next class, next grade, next school and I cannot help but to hope that one day they will slow down to grasp and hold onto more than the subjects that we taught them, but more so the life lessons we gave them
I beg God to give me a day in which everything is done in slow motion, but all the while I would be moving in real time- HA!!- that way everyone else is late and I would finally be on time..
And since I am asking for some impossible sh*t, I am going to put in a special request for Him to slow down the natural maturation of my nephews because as seconds go by, minutes soon multiply and now I am looking at 4 boys who are soon to be men and I am not sure if time or their shiftless parents have gifted them wisdom to do so..
Oh and I know its too late and maybe a waste of- ironically- time to consider, but if perhaps God would grant my best friend some time to have matured before having my god daughter that would be great.. I am not asking to go into some kind of time portal in which time would be reversed but I am just saying- she wasn’t ready for Kenadi and neither was her body and now I am here asking for some very selfish moments with my best friend that doesn’t require me visiting her in a cold hospital looking into her empty eyes while she is bearing pain ten times worse than child birth, all the while I have this fake smile on my face for what seems to be an eternity, because no one in her condition wants to see you break down even though your hurt breaks every time you see her…
I wish something would finally just f*cking give!! I am not sure how long my parents will last if every minute is filled with caring for any and everybody but themselves.. I look at them and see how complicated life can get and how unforgiving, relentless and painful time can be when you cannot slow down
I wish I had a moment to just breathe, Without all of the thoughts that make moves in my head... Some time to not think about the next moment, hour or day..
I do not know how much time to pray for so I ask for enough..

Boys, Boys, Boys, Boys I do Adore!!

2009-03-09T12:35:00.006-05:00

I have been working on this one for a minute. I find it comical and I suppose it is sort of an homage to Jay Z's song.

I love boys, boys, boys boys- boys I do adore..
Love you all but now, I really want more.

I know this southern pretty boy
He's smart and gotta lotta charm
He is just too much like me
and therefore, keeps a few on his arm
Though things will never be nor workout
I have a friend forever and thats no doubt

I still love boys, boys, boys boys- boys I do adore..
Love you all but now, I really want more.

I had this bad Asian dude - could get real rude
loves me, can ball and hoop
but he isn't too smart ????
So I guess he breaks all the rules
Like the rest he is a little too young
So its never nothing serious just good fun

because I still love boys, boys, boys boys- boys I do adore..
Love you all but now, I really want more.

Now I had this nerdy little dude
Thought it was just games with his stick
But I was ever so wrong
Cuz he turned out to be an internet pimp
No hard feelings no -none- indeed
Learned the hard way to slow down my speed

oh but I still love boys, boys, boys boys- boys I do adore..
Love you all but now, I really want more.

As for my geneous physics geek
Cute white boy that loves to teach
Acted like a virgin but got loose like a freak
now- no -I didn't give it up or give in
So he had to leave -of course- in the end
It was great while it lasted, had a lot of fun
even though I knew he would never be the one

and I still love boys, boys, boys boys- boys I do adore..
Love you all but now, I really want more.

Got an engineering Alpha male- guess he is like the rest
except he is the one I have cared for best
father of what wasn't meant to be
Sweet, smart, and my personal Suge Avery
he is a sleepy little thing
with designing dreams
but I still love him and his crazy ways
hate to admit it but I do miss him some days

guess that's why I love boys, boys, boys boys- boys I do adore..
Love you all but now, I really want more......

tick...tock...

2009-02-19T12:08:00.011-06:00

I am looking for something that can keep me from wondering
Something that sustains the eager part of me
So that I might sit still awhile
Long enough
To stay awhile
I am wanting that special something that yearns for my attention
That one thing that doesn't need reinvention
Special enough to sit still awhile
Long enough
To stay awhile
I pray, that one day -in it- I will find a peace so immeasurable
That seems nearly unattainable, perhaps even insurmountable
Yet, in its rareness, it will be palpable
And for all to see
That finally, something that caught my eye
Kept me....
Just long enough, to stay awhile…

when morning comes...

2009-02-01T10:07:00.003-06:00

a slight cool is in the air while the moon finishes its last act
the light of day plays center stage
nothing makes the world go round...but this light
you can't ignore it once the show starts and all actors are on stage but even the best cannot outshine this luminous star
it creases the sky grabbing the attention of its subjects
no one can deny how it changes the mood from dark to light
no matter what .. without words it makes what's wrong right
enlightening sun-in spreads and its beauty, seen only when
your eyes are open!

balance pt1

2009-01-28T02:12:00.004-06:00

stop telling me what you want when you haven't shown that you can give
for me, it is simple, not complicated and how I live
I will do for you.... if you do for me
its not physics, or some convoluted theory
you feel entitled to so much of me and call me what you want, I am simply returning the favor......
when I fill your head with empty words
its because you come with a hand out, and unconcerned...
but it is just as empty as anything I've heard
leaving me to believe your heart is empty too

I Want That Old Thing Back.. revisited

2009-01-13T15:30:00.006-06:00

Came across a few of your words from the past
that didn’t last
And oh I wish they did
Because now without a doubt
I want that old thing back again
My feelings on the other hand still stand
In the midst of a heart broken
And oh how I wish they didn’t
Because there is nothing you can do to fix it
Content and complacent with how things are
You can- but I won’t be
Because for me there is nothing better than we
And the you in us wasn’t happy enough
I get it---and that’s fair
But what about my feelings that remain here?
What about my feelings that didn’t go anywhere?
Time will tell if all of this is just how I feel
For now
Or if somehow this is real
Until time releases me ---or you come back
I will be counting the seconds until I get filled with the thing I lack
Whether its you filling that space and gap
If not I hope, time will heal the pain I feel
Because right now you are gone…

B.R.A.N.D.O.N.

2009-01-09T09:18:00.007-06:00

Because I

Remember you

And forget me

Not being with you

Does me no good, and

On days like this

Now hurts....

5, 4, 3, 2..........1

2009-01-02T01:39:00.002-06:00

a second thought a reconsideration.
that mmmm.....after some reflection
an after the first selection
conceived of too late for the occasion
thought of at the last second
something added
that was not originally wanted

aforethought & thought of beforehand
premeditated given the first chance
predictive, predestined
a pre fix to begin
first choice no chance for again...

JORDAN

2008-12-22T21:27:00.004-06:00

J ust the decision to keep you seemed hard
O nly yet you would have been received with loving arms
R ight now you could fill such a hallow empty space
D on't think time will fill it, as I still crave the sight of your face
A n apparition that left me wondering who you would be
N ow & forever wondering how your life -
lived- could have changed me

To Eric....

2008-12-16T09:14:00.007-06:00

one kiss says so much
it can determine a word, sentence or sermon about one's love
If I could bottle up whatever it is your lips possess I would
and to taste them again I'd do all I could
You and I have a chemistry that Romeo and Juliet would envy
and now I am looking forward to every kiss.. you give me....

a few words

2008-12-05T12:28:00.007-06:00

I feel like Tupac when he said 'this is the realest ish I ever wrote'. I think it has taken a while for me to say I am ok in spite of. This poem is a testament to how good God is & how you are not what happens to you. Enjoy.....

too many words have to be spoken to make what is known a reality
just as the wind blows and a seedling grows this is what is and will be
it is deservant of your empathy as it is the cause of what is the worst in me
and yet it built a strength that cannot be broken and a fire that is seen
wishing for it to go away, be cleansed away or disappear only intensifies it
avoiding it and ignoring it makes it haunt my thoughts, it is quite desperate
desperate for the feeling of something that BREAKS most

because early it learned a touch felt so good
it kept me from using my words for fear of being misunderstood
it used to turn me red & green when surrounded by those with no clue
of how evil can steal EVERYTHING from you
it buried everything that was free in me
somehow, I suppose God's grace kept it from killing me
so when you see me dance, laugh loud & smile
its really just that little girl finally happy to run wild
not tied to any lies, not bound by never understanding why
there is a light that is special in me & gives sight to most & blinds those who don't get me
and now it is still here but has no power or control
instead I decide to love the unlovable, forgive the unforgivable until it tickles my soul

Open Your Eyes - Bobby Caldwell

I WANT YOU

2008-11-27T20:35:00.004-06:00

can you run with an ever changing wind
can you forgive, let go and love again
would you roll over and smile simply because my sweet scent is still there
would you be willing to give all you have because its in your nature to share
could you live with the storm that comes around
and be patient enough to calm this hurricane down
if I should ever look you in the eye for reassurance and love
would you return with something a little like heaven above
will you love hard and hold on stronger
& tell me I am worth you holding on longer
could I tell you every hurt that has left so many scars
could I openly, candidly give you all that's in my heart
would my mind intrigue you to constant awwwww
would you never think of a last straw
should we be faced with distance in between
and not hearing my voice say 'love you' make you scream
should I be the girl of your dreams well then love no one until I am with you will do...
because until that moment
I will want you

memories of mmmmm...

2008-11-24T06:55:00.009-06:00

Its not my fault I'm in this space
Radically wanting to touch your eyes, lips & face
The way you move walk & your caress
Sexy on all accounts ..with a smile that outshines the rest
You draw me in with a simple glance
I love to take you in every time I get a chance
Call it infatuation with the opposite sex
but its really just the innate desires of my flesh
That wants your passion to consume all of me
With each pulsating bang I am set free
Enjoying your grip & hold as it guides my body tight
Keeping everything from swaying left to right
Each moment leading up to the wonderful explosions & all
In the end it is your name I call
Don't you see I love us holding we simply waiting....
Patiently for strength regained
to do it again

Nasty Girl - Vanity 6

WHATS IN A NAME

2008-11-21T23:36:00.001-06:00

pen in hand still can't figure out what to write
all the while knowing even if its wrong it will be right
my feelings are from the deepest part
so there's nothing wrong with expressing my heart
so i'll tell you how I feel hoping you feel the same
and for these emotions - I have not a name
but for now - if its alright with you- i'll just call it love

Darling I .......

2008-11-13T08:41:00.014-06:00

You were tied and you wanted to be free
but my darling love I hope you come back to me
You felt like what you desired wasn't bad
But if you don't come back oh love how sad
I have loved you strong, yet not for long
but long enough to put this pain to song
I hope what I have said hasn't fallen on deaf ears
And I hope you going will bring you back here

You were tied and now you want to be free
but darling love you have become a part of me
What you want from this is happiness
There will be days of it- but not bliss
You will learn that what is right and here ..is for you
and that what I deserved was the unabridged truth
I hope what I have said doesn't fall on deaf ears
I will be here darling even if it takes years

You were tied and tried to get free
With every other thought my love - you broke me
So, while you are away I will heal
and if I should cross your mind
And you begin to not forget the good times
Remember how good it felt to talk, touch and hold
and how my love for you was candid and bold
I hope all my words love, did not fall on deaf ears
and you realize that your love is right here

You were tied and now you are free
and darling my love I hope this time away....
will bring you back to me.

photo of Barack and Michelle

right now

2008-11-12T02:08:00.000-06:00

...right now is not a good time
there is just too much going through my mind
dinner & dancing
a few laughs with a touch of romancing
it is all I have to give ...for now

I'm Sorry--- or maybe not..

2008-11-10T10:22:00.007-06:00

Last night or rather this week has been a true test of how forgiveness can go a long way. It can help to: heal a broken heart, mend a friendship, bond a family and maybe just help you keep your sanity. It has taken me years to get to this point. Ironically, most people would describe me as being a forgiving person. I would agree because I have been. However, when faced with a person that has not asked for forgiveness, I often cut them out of my life and hold a grudge. Not this time- it doesn't feel good. You cannot grow in that space. So instead, I have decided to act in love, to speak in love and to show love to these people anyway; and do what I would normally do. I hope this same attitude has been and will be extended unto me when I have knowingly or unknowingly caused hurt. I suppose this is my way of continuing this cycle of universal reciprocity.
Be easy and Keep it even!!!
Forgiveness: to cease to feel resentment against

Papi

2008-11-08T15:46:00.000-06:00

Have you ever known a man that put the world on his back

To make sure there was nothing you lacked

And even though life indeed was not easy for him - look at him now

Pushing through it all- most would not begin to know how

Have you ever met a man that could make you smile

And when the mood was low – made you laugh a while

A protector and provider to say the least

Knowing all of your faults and still loves you - unconditionally

Have you ever met an honest man with sensible ways

That says what he means and expects you to mean what you say

Holding you to a standard that you think is unattainable

But you learned and realized it helped you to grow

Better yet-- have you ever met-- a man that sticks it out

Because he knows what family and real love is about

Enduring the ups and downs to insure the happiness of all

And has no problem answering to the Higher call

And now I can appreciate you more and more as the years go by

Enjoying every moment I can hug you and look you in your eyes

Simply to say—I LOVE YOU PAPI!!

When Night Falls...

2008-11-07T14:38:00.003-06:00

Nights are getting harder
No rest
Dreams of what could have been
They keep me up
I was wondering
Why???? I suppose time will lend itself
And the heart will heal itself
And eventually
These moments of loneliness
Will end
And I will sleep again....

Good Morning...

2008-11-07T14:36:00.003-06:00

one word, two words, three words four

since the first day you've kept me wanting more

today I woke up with the same desire of you

captivated by the very essence of you

and now I'm sitting waiting for you

Moments Awaited

2008-11-07T14:04:00.000-06:00

You

2008-11-07T13:57:00.000-06:00

How it all started....
one heart, naive and oh so happy - too far away from you
miles space and distance became the blameless enemy
and in the end it was you...
time heals wounds so maybe this muscle could beat for someone new
clearly not enough time passed because, because with every promise broken a wound reopened
and then there was you...
with each minute after.... hoped the heart would mend and will believe again... in love????
and then there was you....
time heals all wounds but there isn’t enough time between every day
your presence reminds me of the very essence
that is underneath every tale ever told
and so now a beast grows that is incapable of trust
and still knowing that I must
wait for this conundrum called time time?? time?? to pass by until there is no more until words won’t hurt no more
and until there is no more
YOU

Cassiopeia

2008-11-07T13:54:00.004-06:00

last night while driving for so long on so many roads
trying to find something I looked hard for
I had a chance to tell You my heart and all that is in it
I asked so many questions yet hoped for 1 answer
for some time now I felt I hadn't been answered
but You did & though it was not what I wanted
I suppose it is needed
so thank You for getting me to the stars
so I could see how apart I am from where You need me to be

B-Speech Baby!!

2008-11-07T12:41:00.000-06:00

Last spring I was asked to be a speaker at our Baccalaureate program. It was an honor to share my faith! Here is an excerpt!!

....... I suppose the thing I wish someone would have told me at your age is how inexplainably good God is. That He calls us to have faith in Him, spend time with Him and spread His word.

Most of you will go onto college and meet people who do not share your mores, faith or background. You will meet people who will challenge everything you were taught or believe. So be strong enough to not allow anyone to deter you away from your faith. I am not saying you should not and will not question what you believe- in fact it is in the questions that you will find the truth in His word. What I am saying is it is imperative that you are clear on what you believe. The only way I know how to do that is by spending time with God.Get to know Him and understand your faith just like you would anything else. This past weekend I was blessed to hear my friend's mother preach for the first time. Her message came from Luke 10:38-42 ...........

This passage is a great example of how much God delights in and wants time with us. Meaning- your works are great, your service is wonderful and God loves it. However, the best thing you can do is remember to make time for Him! In college you will struggle with finding new things to do and new friends with which to do those new things. My advice is try to keep Him as your number 1 priority.

Last but not least- NEVER be afraid to share your faith.

1 Timothy 4:12-14 .....

The truth is God calls the good, the bad, the ugly, poor, rich, old and ....young to believe in Him and to spread His word. So do not let something as insignificant as your lack of years on Earth keep you from knowing how influential you may be to other's journey. More importantly, do not allow your mistakes to get in your way. The best thing about God is He loves us as we are- I will repeat that--He loves us as we are!!!! Not what others think we should be!! So what if you aren't perfect- you then become the best candidate to spread His word!! To tell someone my iniquities do not determine my favor-- HIS grace and mercy do!!! That is powerful!!!!! I cannot imagine where I would be had God not placed me around my friends in high school that helped plant and nourish my seeds of faith. Be that to someone.

Before I close I want you to remember- YOUR SALVATION is a precious gift!! You cannot earn it but you must cultivate it and grow in it. Abide in Him. Know that EVERYTHING you go threw is His spiritual exercise for you. That He loves you enough to to stretch you because He has a purpose for us all!!

2008-11-07T12:11:00.000-06:00

TO MY FAMILY and FRIENDS

While we walk our own path in life,
People are brought into our lives everyday.
Most are simply met by chance.
But, some are purposefully sent our way.

Its our family and close friends
Whose bond we can't explain;
That understand us in and out
As they know our joy and pain.

Yet boundless, limitless of care and love
Neither time nor space can keep this apart.
Thankfully we grow because of them
With a warmth felt in the heart.

This love becomes a part of our journey
It allows us to make a passageway,
And so, these friends, God sends our way,
When even the miles disappear.
Will remain forever near.